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6 Things to Try Before Giving Up on a Loved One With Addiction

Addiction can turn someone you love into someone you resent. In addition to ruining their own lives, the family can be devastated by the lies and destructive behaviors of this “stranger” in their house.

You’ve tried talking. You’ve set rules. You’ve explored drug rehab options, but your loved one insists they aren’t like “those people” in treatment. They aren’t that bad. When you’ve reached the limit of what you can take, what are your options? Here are a few things to try before you give up hope:

#1 Family Therapy

Before you tell a loved one who is abusing alcohol or other drugs that they need to find another place to live, try to get the entire family into therapy. Your loved one may have refused individual therapy, which they’d get at a drug rehab, but might be open to trying to iron things out in another way. Family therapy is powerful because it works on many levels. It can focus on individual family members, the causes and consequences of drug use, as well as education about the disease of addiction. And there is no predetermined definition for who may be involved. Family therapy can include friends and coworkers, even a clergy member.

#2 Support Groups

In lieu of drug rehab, you can make a requirement for living at home regular participation in a self-help group like a 12-step or SMART Recovery program. You can set an example by attending Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings. People credit these fellowship groups with saving their sanity and, in many cases, their lives.

#3 Outpatient Treatment

Another option when you’re looking at how to help an addict would be an outpatient drug rehab program. This is not the way to go with someone who has a severe or long-term addiction, but it can be a useful first step and can be especially effective for those with milder problems who have a good support network and have begun to experience the consequences of substance abuse. Another benefit is that it allows people to continue working and keep up with other responsibilities.

#4 A Sober Role Model

You might also try to get someone you know in recovery to speak to your loved one. Most people know someone who has had a problem with alcohol or other drugs. A recent poll by the Kaiser Family Foundation found that 44% of Americans personally know someone who has been addicted to prescription painkillers. When you account for the individuals abusing other addictive drugs, the odds are high that you can find a recovering addict to advise your loved one. Whether that’s an uncle, a friend, a colleague or a neighbor, anyone who has been through addiction and is now enjoying a healthy life in recovery may, by example alone, be able to convince your loved one to seek help. They can carry a lot of weight and perhaps get the person at least thinking about the benefits of getting sober.

#5 Intervention

A drug intervention is often a last-ditch effort by family members to get someone into treatment. There are entire books written on the subject, but here are some basic rules. First, put together a solid plan. Decide who will be there, what they will say and set a time to rehearse the conversation. The point is for the addict to hear how they are hurting themselves and how their behavior has affected family and friends.

You should also strongly consider hiring a professional interventionist to help guide the process. Things can get heated as emotions bubble up and you’ll want someone there who can help defuse any anger and get the intervention back on track. Once the team is formed, you’ll need to decide on the consequences should your loved one refuse treatment. Finding another place to live is often number one on that list.

If the drug intervention is successful and your loved one agrees to enter drug rehab, know that their first attempt at sobriety may not be successful. Relapse is common, even likely. So don’t give up on them if they slip.

#6 Love Without Enabling

Continued love is another way to help a substance abuser. Many people in recovery implore families to never give up on their loved one. You need to keep healthy boundaries, of course, but even if a family member isn’t ready to quit, that doesn’t mean you must stop loving them. Make arrangements for them to live elsewhere so they won’t be left homeless. Don’t give them cash, but buy them a meal (which gives you a chance to stay in touch and ask if they may now be ready to get clean). That kind of support can teach the addict that they are worthy of love despite their choices, which in turn can encourage them to start loving themselves and seek help.

Early Sobriety and Marriage

When a person commits to sobriety, it is the first step on the lifelong path of addiction recovery. A person in recovery may feel like they are on an endless roller coaster of emotions and not even realize the enormous impact sobriety has on their spouse or partner. To assume everything will be fine after years of substance abuse is naive. In marriages, the recovery path may be influenced by many issues related to past baggage, current circumstances and external factors. For example, the nondrinking spouse may have been an enabler of this behavior, so when the drinking spouse is in the early days of sobriety, both may feel lost and not know how to act around one another.

Anger, guilt, hurt, resentment, dependency and blame may have typified the past relationship, and this doesn’t necessarily change with sobriety. The nondrinking spouse may have trust issues from past broken promises and not truly believe their mate can stay clean. Bringing up past transgressions can keep couples stuck and increase the recovering person’s risk of relapse. Continue reading

What Happens When Addicts Are Treated With Dignity by the Court System?

By Edie Weinstein, LSW Follow Edie at Twitter @Edie Weinstein1

Drug court. These two words are fraught with trepidation for many whose addictions have brought them into contact with the legal system. It can be a place where people who may already feel demoralized by the drugs that have ravaged their bodies and minds face a potentially demeaning judge who sees them as just another number on the docket. It may also be a room from which they can launch a new life.

It is meant to be far more than punitive, offering addicts an incentive to enter and complete treatment. Drug court falls under the category of therapeutic jurisprudence that is defined by Black’s Law Dictionary as “the study of how legal systems affect the emotions, behaviors and the mental health of people.”

The term was coined by Professor David Wexler, of the University of Arizona, Rogers College of Law and University of Puerto Rico School of Law, in a paper delivered to the National Institute of Mental Health in 1987.

The National Association of Drug Court Professionals indicates that the “average recidivism rate for drug court graduates is between 4 percent and 29 percent as compared with 48 percent for non-participants.”

It outlines the program:

Eligible drug-addicted persons may be sent to drug court in lieu of traditional justice system case processing. Drug courts keep individuals in treatment long enough for it to work, while supervising them closely. For a minimum term of one year, participants are:

  • Provided with intensive treatment and other services they require to get and stay clean and sober
  • Held accountable by the drug court judge for meeting their obligations to the court, society, themselves and their families
  • Regularly and randomly tested for drug use
  • Required to appear in court frequently so that the judge may review their progress and reward them for doing well or sanction them when they do not live up to their obligation

Compassionate Judges Make a Difference 

Newark, New Jersey, Municipal Court Judge Victoria Pratt sees far more than criminals standing before her each day. She observes people whose poor decisions have landed them in her courtroom. She envisions redemption and renewal for them and engages with them as a partner in creating a brighter future. Pratt is caring, but also “no nonsense” in her approach to justice. She interacts with them in ways that demonstrate interest in their lives, as she encourages responsible parenting, re-establishing relationships and claiming, perhaps for the first time, the personal dignity that is foundational in sustaining sobriety.

“This court is going to treat you with dignity and respect, and we expect you to treat us the same way,” she tells defendants. “If you show up late or don’t show up at all, you will serve a jail sentence.”

Most show up and follow through on her mandates that address the particular crimes they have committed.

Pratt often gives a writing assignment, asking them to pen an essay that describes where they see themselves in five years, highlighting the scenarios as if they are playing out in the present moment. She then has them read the essay before her — in part because deciphering another’s handwriting can be a challenge. She also finds that by expressing their story aloud, the person gains a sense of empowerment. The benefits of such an exercise are multifold:

  • It aids the writer in envisioning a life beyond crime and addiction, since often that seems inconceivable.
  • It solidifies the images in their mind by putting them in writing, thus making them attainable.
  • It engages inspired action to see the ideas come to fruition.
  • It holds the person accountable for follow through, since his or her declaration is being witnessed by a room full of people.
  • It offers support, so the person may feel that they need not do this alone.
  • It gives them structure and focus.
  • It helps them to regain activities that they may have left behind prior to addiction.
  • It allows for imagining the steps that it might take to traverse the path from where they are to where they want to be.
  • It endeavors to break the steps down into manageable activities.
  • It provides a milestone to celebrate when they achieve it. 

Throwing the Book at Courtroom Defendants

In Baltimore area courts, judges are taking the opportunity to hand out reading assignments while they simultaneously hand down verdicts. Judge Lewis A. Becker has those who present themselves before him with charges related to alcohol read Under the Influence as a means of highlighting the dangers of driving impaired. The next step is writing a 1,500 word essay describing the insights they gleaned from it. Those with heroin addiction are instructed by Judge James N. Vaughan to read The Corner, and to those who have stolen, the classic Les Miserables.

While it may not be the final word, by treating with compassion and dignity those whose addictions have led them to stand before the black-robed authority figure, the chances of a return visit are diminished and the opportunities to recover are enhanced.

Getting Out From Under: What to Do If Your Partner Continues to Drink or Use

Whether your partner has gone through rehab or continues to make promises that are never kept about cutting down his or her use of alcohol or drugs, you know the sinking feeling when you come face to face with the reality that the situation isn’t going to change. Now you’re faced with a tough decision. While you’re contemplating getting out from under, it’s important to know what to do if your partner continues to drink or use. Continue reading

Alternatives to 12-Step Addiction Recovery

girl smiling sitting on a swing

While many drug and alcohol rehab centers have a focus on the 12 steps in the overall healing process, there are alternative programs that you should be aware of. This is perhaps of particular importance to those who want to overcome addiction to toxic substances but don’t like the idea of or don’t feel comfortable with any program that emphasizes a higher power.

It should be noted, though, that even Alcoholics Anonymous, the original 12-step group, while it does mention higher power, also says, or “God as we know Him.” You don’t have to be religious or belong to a specific church, congregation, temple, mosque or synagogue to benefit from any of the 12-step programs. Still, if you’re interested in what else is out there, here are some of the alternatives to 12-step recovery. Continue reading

How Utah Is Addressing the State’s Opioid Epidemic

Drug rehab centers in Utah

The use of prescription and illicit opioids led to over 33,000 deaths in the U.S. in 2015, a figure that has quadrupled since 1999, according to the CDC. The problem stems from prescription painkillers like OxyContin and fentanyl, which share close similarities with drugs like heroin and morphine, but are widely prescribed to people in moderate or severe pain. While the medications can help people in pain live normal lives, they carry a big risk of addiction, and drug rehab centers in Utah and around the country have noted a big increase in patients with opioid addictions. But what can we do about it? How can states resolve the growing problem? Continue reading

6 Professionals Who Can Help Identify a Drug Problem

Medical Signs of Drug Abuse

With prescription drug abuse rampant in the U.S. and many people turning to heroin as a quick and easy substitute, what early warning systems are in place to help spot a potential or existing problem with drugs or alcohol? Equally important as the ability to detect a looming substance abuse problem is the opportunity for intervention or referral to professionals who can provide assistance to overcome the addiction, dependence or abuse. Here are six professionals who can help identify a drug problem.
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How to Develop a Healthy Relationship in Recovery

How to Develop a Healthy Relationship in RecoveryNow that you have completed rehab and you’re living as a recovering addict, you may begin to think about relationships. Your therapist may suggest that you hold off on romantic relationships until you feel more secure in your sobriety, but once you’re ready and you’ve met someone you really like, you could probably use some advice. As an addict, you likely did not contribute to relationships that were very healthy. If you want to have a successful and satisfying relationship now, here are some steps to take to build it: Continue reading

The Dangers of Teen Drug Abuse

prescription drugs

Teens have always been experimenters and risk takers. It’s a part of growing up. But when it involves drugs, the risks can have serious consequences. From poor grades to legal troubles and even death, teen drug abuse can have a number of detrimental impacts on an individual’s life. If you are the parent of a teen, be aware of the facts about teen drug use, how harmful these bad choices can be and how to prevent them.

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